Why?

5 police officers killed in Dallas

3 police officers killed – in St. Louis, Tennessee, and Georgia

the killing of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the people affected by the loss of these lives. I have no eloquent way of expressing my thoughts on these issues so much of this may seem like I’m rambling. I feel a deep sense of sadness right now.

My son enjoys watching the news with my husband most nights. I generally have a good sense of what’s going on in the world even though I rarely sit down with them. My husband and I encourage Carlos to ask questions. He’s interested and inquisitive. As much as the mom in me wants to shelter him from all the bad in the world, I cannot. So I want to make him aware, knowledgeable, and in tune to his surroundings. On Thursday night when he went in the living room to watch the news, I joined him because Orlando was working. Lester Holt began the news with the top stories of the two men killed by police officers. I watched and worried about how to explain these stories to Carlos. I am not going to lie, I felt a sense of relief when I looked over for Carlos’ reaction after the report was finished and realized he was sound asleep. I sat and watched him so peaceful and sweet. Then a rather abrupt realization washed over me as I noted his beautiful dark skin and hair that resembles his father. My son is one day going to be a black man despite being half white. I shook the thought because I didn’t really no what it meant or how to justify my fear as the thought came into my mind.

Have you ever watched little children play with one another? They are so unaware of other kids’ differences particularly as long as everyone is interested in playing. My son has never been concerned with the color of another child’s skin or the clothing a kid wears or a hair do or the gender of a class mate’s parents. None of that is of interest to him. He just wants to play, run, goof around, and laugh with other children. His friends all seem pretty much the same. He still plays with boys and girls. He has friends of various ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds. My friend and I often talk about this as we watch our boys make friends almost instantaneously when we go to a playground. We ponder the question when does it all change and why?

At home we have never had a reason to discuss the interracial dynamics of our family. It’s just not something we consider to be a part of our identity. It sounds ridiculous to some, but we simply don’t see the difference.

I put Carlos to bed Thursday night and I went to bed myself at 8pm. I had watched enough and read enough throughout the day about the shootings. I have my own thoughts and opinions which I won’t get into, but essentially they probably go against the grain and I’m not looking for an argument. I was mentally drained. I slept deeply and for many hours until I woke early to go for a run. On my way to the reservoir I heard the news about the police who were shot in Dallas. I instantly thought of a friend whose husband is a policeman in Dallas. I can’t even imagine how she feels day in and day out when her husband is at work. I was relieved hours later when I heard that he was fine, however, I thought about them both throughout the day worried that more violence would erupt. I was brought up to respect a police officer with reverence and a little bit of healthy trepidation for the consequences of breaking the law. Therefore I can honestly say I don’t participate in unlawful activities. The mere thought of being arrested scares me.

Where am I going with all of this? I haven’t a clue. I’m as confused today as I was on Thursday. I’m not taking a stand on any “side” because I truly believe that we all matter. It’s all of the grey areas in the arguments that concern me the most. There is no easy solution, no simple answer, and no outcome to please everyone. We will never live in a world without guns or violence. I’m no idealistic fool. That won’t stop me from praying that maybe one day people will stop hating each other and stop reacting with violence. All I can do is live my life in a way that is meaningful to me and my family, keep them as safe as possible, and do no harm to others.

Because one is not enough

This just happened! I’ll be running the Chicago Marathon on October 9th and the Manchester Marathon in New Hampshire on November 6th. After years of running solo I have finally found two wonderful running friends. One of them has decided that Manchester will be her first full marathon (with just a little encouragement from me!). I usually sink into a little post marathon funk so I thought this would be a great motivation and challenge to remain active and focused on a goal after Chicago.

I’m not at all the same runner I was a few years ago. I love it just the same, but I have really developed a new outlook on running. I used to be so goal focused. Now I’m more thrilled to run with others and I am much less crazed about my times. That’s not to say I don’t have goals. I definitely do, but I am also enjoying the variety of runs and the companionship. The two women I’ve been running with are willing to meet me for early morning runs some days, they both love to try out new routes, and we are often able to enjoy a coffee afterwards. It’s really brought the fun back into running for me.

Training begins next week, and I am looking forward to getting back to a schedule. I am looking forward to having company on some of my long runs this year.

Poconos 2016

Do you have one of those friends that months, even years might pass and then you see each other and it’s as though no time has gone by at all? Well last year Carlos and I visited my nursing school study partner and her husband in the Poconos. Despite my best intentions I hadn’t texted or emailed since her birthday in January. In May I got a message from my friend, D, inviting us back to the Poconos, this time to join her, her husband, their daughter, son-in-law, 2 grandchildren, and two very close friends of theirs who I have met a number of times. For about a second I almost let work stand in my way, and then I reminded myself of what a great time we had last year. Summer time is here so it was just Carlos and me. Orlando is working steadily now. He was laid off all winter and does not get any paid time off when he works. This is why we do long trips to Mozambique in the winter.

So Carlos and I hit the road to Pennsylvania. I love to travel any way I can, road trips, plane trips, train, you name it! We took our time, stopping whenever we felt like it. I took the longer route toward Albany rather than deal with I84 traffic through Connecticut. We were not pressed for time and it was a beautiful day.

Upon arriving my friend’s daughter showed us to our condo. It was a beautiful two bedroom condo with a screened in porch, open kitchen/living area, nice size bedrooms, and two huge bathrooms.

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Enjoying the cool morning with a cup of coffee on the screened in porch.

While waiting for D and the others I spent time with her daughter Ashley, her husband, their 2 year old son, and 5 month old baby girl. Ashley had just found out she was pregnant right before we saw her in the Poconos last year. I was so happy to finally meet and hold her beautiful daughter.

Soon D and her husband, and their friends arrived and instantly we just fell right back to where we left off almost a year ago. We gabbed and gabbed until we were all too tired to talk anymore.

Each morning Carlos and I would go for walks around Shawnee Village Resort. I didn’t do any running, but I really enjoyed the quality time in the morning with Carlos. I begin marathon training next week so there’s plenty of running to come. We walked and talked, saw deer, turkeys, and bunnies. Then we would pop over to D’s condo where the coffee was always brewing in the morning.

The first day we went on a 10 mile kayak trip down the Delaware River with D’s husband, Ashley, and her husband. It was a gorgeous sunny day perfect for kayaking. The trip took us about 4 hours. I have a sizable blister between my thumb and pointer finger from rowing and sunburned lower legs from the ride, but it was worth it. It was such a spectacular experience. The river was calm and peaceful. We only saw a few people out on the river and two bald eagles. Carlos and I took a double kayak. He jumped out more than a few times to swim. Towards the end our arms were exhausted, but we worked together and made it to the docking area after our friends. Carlos has done a week at a local kayak camp the last two summers. It was really awesome to see his confidence and ability in the kayak and on the river.

The next day we returned to Tree Ventures because D’s friends had not been before and Carlos was dying to climb in the trees. D, her husband, and I decided to offer moral support with our feet firmly planted on the ground. I barely made it through the beginners course last year. Quite honestly I really enjoyed watching all the climbers, mostly my own little daredevil. Because he was on his own he was technically not allowed to go on the more difficult courses. The employee assigned to the yellow course Carlos was on began chatting with me about how well Carlos was moving through the course. I let him know how disappointed Carlos was that he couldn’t tackle the blue or black course. Well it was a quiet day at the place, and the guy arranged for another employee to follow Carlos on the blue course. Carlos was ecstatic! He was patient and thoughtful as he worked he way along the course high in the sky. My legs were wobbly watching him, but he did an incredible job.

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At the end everyone but D’s husband and me zip lined. I had actually been walking around harnessed up with all intentions to zip line, but I left my sneakers in the car. There was a little mix up about who had the keys, and rather than wait for D’s friend to come down from the zip line I offered my zip to Carlos. He was thrilled to get two zips. I zip lined last year and while it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as the tree ropes course there is that moment when you have to jump off the platform that makes my heart sink into my stomach and my legs go all weak. I was just as happy to watch Carlos’ enormous smile as he flew in towards the platform.
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After Tree Ventures we had an afternoon reservation at Escape Poconos. Remember the game Clue? Well this is kind of like a life size version of the game only rather than solving a murder mystery you have to locate the key to get you out of the room by finding a series of clues planted throughout the scenario. We did the Poconos Room which looked like the living room of an old fishing cabin. After the woman gave us all of the instructions we tore up that room in search of clues. We found the key and made it out of the room in 49 minutes. It was such a blast! Teamwork, intelligence, and creativity were all required for success. These Escape rooms are popping up everywhere apparently. I discovered that there is actually one in a nearby town from where I live. I can’t wait to do it again. I highly recommend trying it if there is one nearby.

Carlos and I went out to find an ATM and along the way we couldn’t help but pull over when we saw this rather conspicuous chair on the side of the road overlooking a beautiful view of the area.
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Our last day in PA was a bit grey and overcast. After lounging about all morning, packing, and relaxing, we all decided to head up to Camelback Resort Mountain Adventures for a ride on the mountain coaster. Then we drove up the mountain to watch the crazy adventurous people start their ride on the 4000 ft Soaring Camel Twin Zip Flyers. We all agreed we will definitely maybe do it next year!

 

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View from where the Zip Flyers take off. They end beyond the water park you can see in the distance.

 

We said our goodbyes and hit the road. Since we would be driving through Connecticut during rush hour I opted for lesser traveled back roads. As a result we drove through some really scenic areas including the Barkhamstead Reservoir and the Saville Dam. I swerved right into the parking lot so we could enjoy the beautiful sight. I’m such a sucker for this aspect of road trips. I would rather go slowly home and keep moving along than to sit at a dead stop in traffic on the highway. This was definitely worth the detour!

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Lighten up challenge – Day 6 and 7

Sunday, 6/5/16

Up at 5:30. Paid the bills. Had some coffee and almond milk. Then Carlos and I met friends for the Girls on the Run 5K. I was signed up as a running buddy for my friend’s 13 year old daughter. It was such a fun event. Carlos was going to run with me, but decided to hang with his friend and kick the soccer ball around.
I ate a quarter of an apple before the run. I had a half of a banana and a small piece of a cinnamon raisin bagel after the race.

11:30 grapes

12 smoothie with banana, strawberries, frozen blueberries and spinach

2 birthday party for my friend’s son. I ate tossed salad with Italian dressing, the black bean/corn salad I brought, and berries

5:30 birthday party for my stepfather. I ate more salad, hummus, 3 crackers, 5 tortilla chips, salsa, and fruit salad

8:30 toast with sunbutter

Monday, 6/6/16

Woke up early at 4:30. Went for a run at 5:15 with a friend.

7 coffee with almond milk

Lots of water this morning.

Two home visits from 9 to 10.

10:30 two carrots with hummus and an apple

12 spinach with steamed broccoli, carrots, kidney beans, and lemon juice, a serving of pretzels on the side.

Seltzer with lemon juice so refreshing on this hot day

Dinner – veggie burger, sweet potato, kale salad

Today is the last day of my lighten up challenge. I am not quite sure why this simple experiment made such an impact on my life this week, but it did and I plan to continue. Every time I was tempted to eat something I actually stopped and thought is this going to make me feel good after I eat it. If the answer was no then I really didn’t eat it. I measured out certain foods that I have a tendency to overdo. I had no binge eating episodes at all. I ate fewer snacks and smaller meals.

I am late in posting the last two days of the challenge because with my son’s last day of school on Wednesday the early part of the week was insanely busy. He gets out really early compared to most schools in this area. While I’m sure not the most interesting thing to read this challenge really helped me to find some peace with eating, something that has been incredibly difficult in the last few years. All of the posts were done via talk to text on my phone to make it easy and accessible. I entered food as I ate it so I wouldn’t forget to document it later. For the first time in ages I didn’t track calories or Weight Watcher points, and surprisingly I lost 3 pounds, my clothes feels a little better, my skin seems brighter, and I feel lighter!

 

Lighten up challenge – day 5

6/4/16

I worked another overnight shift last night. At work I had my usual coffee and almond milk. I also ate an apple and a half cup of raisin bran with almond milk.

After a last-minute crisis at work which of course happened right at 7 AM as we were about to walk out the door I met my friend at another local reservoir for a run. Since we were both feeling a little sluggish she made an executive decision to continue around the reservoir and then head up the access road which leads up the mountain behind the reservoir. This is often called the death run and now I know why! I’m not sure exactly how far the road went but we did 30 second run and one minute walk intervals all the way up to the top. It was really foggy and so you just never knew when you were going to reach the top.

It was a tough workout. Yet there is a slightly demented side to me that enjoys this type of a workout. We are calling today our baseline death run. We are hoping to do it every couple of weeks to see how we are able to improve. Total run 6.35 miles. 

Going up
Clouds at the top of the climb
The reservoir

10  orange, frozen mango and pineapple blend 

11:15 about a quarter cup of brown rice, a couple spoonfuls of leftover sautéed vegetables, sauerkraut, one spoon of hummus

12-2 Carlos’ soccer game in the blazing sun! The coach took the kids for ice cream afterwards. Then we were on our way to run some errands. I looked back at Carlos and he seemed to be really tired. He had slept at a friend’s house the night before and lord knows I was beat so I turned around, went home and we took a much needed nap. 

7 Carlos and I hit the mall feeling refreshed after our 4 hour nap! We ate dinner/lunch at 99 Restaurant and I was pleasantly surprised to find a hummus platter and black bean burger with a side salad. It was nicely portioned and the vegetables all very fresh.

9 Since we were out and about I decided to do a quick grocery shopping. 

10 Small bowl of organic Cheerios, a smal box of raisins and a banana with almond milk. 

Total steps for the day were just over 22,000. 

Lighten up challenge – Day 4

6/3/16

I was up at 3:50 this morning to make sure that I had enough time to get ready for and early morning run with a friend. For some reason no problem getting up that early if I know I’m going to be, but lately I have been struggling to get up before 530 to go for a run on my own. I need to line up running dates every morning of the week! It’s been a productive morning. I made lunch for Carlos, did the dishes Orlando left to “soak” for the night, washed and cut up some strawberries.

4:45 – 2 tablespoons of Chia seeds in water, and a few strawberries and BlackBerries. I wouldn’t normally eat before a short run. We are only doing about 3 1/2 maybe 4 mile. I just felt a little hungry this morning.

It’s already 62° out. It is still so strange to not feel a chill in the air in the morning. I grab the white sweatshirt on my way out but I don’t think I need it.

5:15 run at the reservoir with my friend. We were cruising along at a nice comfortable pace and noticed there were lots of baby ducks around and then we were confronted by some angry duck parents, not once but three times. The closer we got the more they hissed at us. I was once attacked by a dog at the same place so there was no way I was going to try to pass them. Twice we had to turn around and find another route. The third time we were on our way out of the reservoir and all of a sudden two ducks came flying out of the water and proceeded to beat the crap out of each other. I couldn’t get close enough to take a picture but it was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. There were feathers on the ground after the fight. My friend and I waited until we were finally able to sneak by when the ducks crossed to the other side of the path. And then we hauled ass out of the reservoir! 4.34 miles total.

6:55 frozen mango and pineapple blend with the juice of 1 lime. It is so light and refreshing. Carlos gave it two thumbs up even though he’s already eating his breakfast berry “ice cream.”

11:10 I just finished up with my only patient visit for today. I grabbed a seltzer at CVS. I am so into seltzer right now. It’s just so refreshing. Anyone have a soda stream? Are they worth it?

11:30 two carrots and hummus

1 spinach, steamed frozen blend of cauliflower, carrots, broccoli, and corn, steamed peas, avocado dressed in lemon juice; after that I had some cantaloupe. 

2:15 almond milk latte

Met a friend for coffee and then stayed at the cafe to work because Carlos is sleeping at a friend’s tonight. 

8:30 home and hungry. I whipped up dinner for Orlando and I. Rice, sautéed  peppers, broccoli and cauliflower, black beans, tomatoes/onion/lemon juice, and a little bit of avocado. I ate some pretzels while cooking. 

9:30 nap before work

I ate a small box of raisins on my way to work because I was feeling like something sweet. 

11 sitting here waiting for night shift to show up and 3-11 charge nurse to finish taping the shift report. Some things never change!!

It’s only been 4 days, but I am feeling better already. 

Lighten up challenge – Day 3

6/2/16

I slept like a log. I never even heard Orlando come to bed. I tried so hard to get up at 4, but my body wasn’t ready yet so I slept until 5:30 and woke feeling refreshed. 

7:45 Pink lady apple on the way to bring Carlos to school. 

8:30 a small handful of grapes 

9 coffee and almond milk 

All bedding washed and dried already. I am hoping the bedmaking fairy will come over while I’m out to make the beds.

10-12:15 two home visits with patients 

12:40 a carrot and hummus; spinach salad with a sweet potato, sauerkraut (addicted!) and lemon juice 

Afternoon treat and a break from the absolute insane nonsense that is my job right now. 


3:30 It’s my homemade dole whip. Frozen mango, pineapple and a fresh banana with a squeeze of lime juice. 

Super busy afternoon. Too many unplanned work issues made it difficult to get any of my patient visit paperwork done. Before I knew it, it was time to make the beds (damn fairy never came) and dinner. I managed to make dinner without nibbling on anything. 

8:30 I just finished interviewing babysitter #3. She was lovely. She’s working on her teaching certification and is currently in a special Ed classroom. She’s also a girls high school track coach. 

I am ready for dinner after a successful afternoon of no picking and grazing. I wore a cute new summer dress all day which made me more inspired than ever to stay away from snacks and eat food that makes me feel good. 

Dinner: Broccoli slaw, mushrooms, peas and edamame sautéed and a side of zucchini noodles with tomato sauce. 
Work was ridiculous today. I have a mountain of it awaiting me now, but I haven’t done any exercise so maybe a walk or short run first before getting back to it. We’ll see. 

10:45 What a gorgeous cool night. No run, I walked around the neighborhood near my house while catching up with my mom. I got a few more things done for work while loosely watching an episode of the West Wing.  No PM snacks!! I’m going to bed because I am meeting a friend for a 5:15 run.